Life keeps giving me reasons to hate myself more. Why are you doing this, life? Shouldn't you encourage me to push myself? But whenever I do I end up ashamed of myself and I don't want to try anymore. And I feel alone. Last semester I pushed myself and talked to people and tried to make more friends and actually succeeded most of the time, but for some reason I'm afraid now...
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it must be nice to die suddenly you don't have to think about your death, or what happens after death, or even what you regret in life i think it's how i would like to die when the time comes is death like ripping off a band-aid? it's the only thing that happens to absolutely everybody, but it's one of the most unknown things. and it causes me so much anxiety. will i forget everything once i die? i'm sure everything will be ok once i die but in life, death is terrifying ... i hope you weren't in pain when you died i hope you know, wherever you are, how loved you are
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Today I had to answer a bunch of questions on camera for a class and I'm cringing at myself because I was too serious and chose super depressing answers. Then I spent like an hour crying in the theater alone and it actually felt kind of nice but then my teacher came back in to clean up and I felt awkward even though he was probably too tired to notice how awkward I was but still. I wish I had just chose memes for my answers... But learning how to act is an interesting process, because I'm inadvertently bringing up a lot of hidden feelings. Sometimes it feels good to come to terms with them but a lot of the time I just end up feeling like garbage. Someday I hope I can connect with my emotions without them overpowering me, and I think I'm slowly learning how to do it. Slowly. But it's the beginning of the semester and I'm not used to it yet so hopefully... I'm really tired. I'm not used to having to be somewhere 4 times a week. Most people in the world hav