A sacrifice made to the loss of a mind

Life keeps giving me reasons to hate myself more. Why are you doing this, life? Shouldn't you encourage me to push myself? But whenever I do I end up ashamed of myself and I don't want to try anymore. And I feel alone. Last semester I pushed myself and talked to people and tried to make more friends and actually succeeded most of the time, but for some reason I'm afraid now...

it must be nice to die suddenly you don't have to think about your death, or what happens after death, or even what you regret in life i think it's how i would like to die when the time comes is death like ripping off a band-aid? it's the only thing that happens to absolutely everybody, but it's one of the most unknown things. and it causes me so much anxiety. will i forget everything once i die? i'm sure everything will be ok once i die but in life, death is terrifying ... i hope you weren't in pain when you died i hope you know, wherever you are, how loved you are